Tuesday, August 2, 2011


My new favorite place in the house is the corner of the kitchen, tucked away at the back of the table, a mini office space for my creative antics.
Its right here, with the music in front of me.. to my right- a mug full of instant coffee, a Nikon, lighter and pencil.. To my left- an altered water bottle, neon green card, and a bowl with soup remnants.. where I see with sound, I smell with colors, and I write with dreams.
I love the way artists can take any chunk of space and create a universe. Whether its through composing, sculpting, blogging, dancing, painting, film etc. or if its finding any empty area and making it their studio, we will always find a way to create. Discovering new worlds and then finding different ways of living them.
Sometimes I sit being able to do nothing but stare, as I get SO overwhelmed with ideas and dreams, and things I want to and can create that I become paralyzed with inspiration. Even now, as I struggle to type my thoughts. I think this is what some might say being a "Tortured Artist" is about. Having so much to express, to emote, to share with the life around you- and not being able to find the matching outlet.
There has been a lot of happenings in my life this year. Many significant things that I haven't been able to place. Recently, though, I have had the last pieces present themselves to me. And for the first time ever in my life I feel this strong sense of inner peace. I have felt a sort of inner contentment in the past when I've had breakthroughs or learned certain lessons, but this time its so much deeper. The peace beats inside my souls heart along with my physical one.
The last couple of months have happened so quickly and its during that time that I've had all of my eye openers. It all started with the passing of my cousin Josh. Since the very second I heard he had passed away I felt a complete change within myself. I knew immediately I would never be the same, in so many different ways.
I wish I could fully articulate to you, through written word, the amazing things I have learned and seen and felt during this years journey, which I know Josh has had a consistent part in. Last night, so many pictures came together and my whole self.. heart, mind, body, spirit, energy... my entire being opened up and found its true worth in everything I've always known. The difference is I am now allowing myself to see the endless picture of it all and the impact that myself and others have on it.
I sat, last night, in the parking lot of the what use to be nothing but dull apartment complex, and stared off into the energetic abyss of night time absorbing all of this profound realization I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have had.
Out of all the times where I thought I had found purpose, out of all of the silly little lessons learned which have ultimately brought me to this point, I feel and know now that this is officially the beginning of the rest of, what some call life, but what I like to call...
My Adventure.

Monday, August 1, 2011

H@ppy Sm*ke.

2:43pm...I am staring at two cans of Campbell's Select Harvest Soups (Garden recipes).
One is Tomato Garden, which of course has a full serving of delicious vegetables and fun swirly chewy noodles. ... I like swirly.
The other is Creamy Potato with Roasted Garlic. Need I say more. I like potato.
For some reason or another I chose the Tomato Garden. I think its because it matches the word "Lunch".
Good word, L-U-N-C-H... lunch.
Veggies and swirlies seem to fit a splendid afternoon such as this.
Its settled.
Veggie Swirly for LLLLUNCH.. and Creamy Potato with Roasted Garlic will be for second lunch.
2:49pm... this soup is even better than the label had me dreaming about. I am "mmm"ing allowed every bite. ...>slurp<.. MMMMM!!
2:52pm... (says allowed) "This is fantAAAAAAstic!"
2:54pm.... *scraaaape drip drip.. slurp. scraaaaape drip drip... slurp.*
3:00pm...That soup was excellent and I couldn't be more satisfied. Well until I make some of this Chai Tea my adorable eccentric neighbor gave me! I opened the box and a stunning flutter of aroma-butterflies tickled my smile. This is quite a splendid Monday afternoon!
I need to make this tea but there are too many windows open on my computer.
they are all just staring at me.
waiting to be remembered. Too much.. must close.
3:11pm... three eleven eh? That makes me think of my little bro. He like 311 like i like.. well all music.
I need music now!!! WHY have I been eating and writing in silence.
... okay pandora is up at 3:16pm and its time for another hit and its CHAI TIME!
3:22pm... I'm annoyed with the time thing. I'm ditching it. BUT the music was the missing crayon from the box. And I still haven't left the chair to make the tea. getting up in 3..2.. oh I gotta message.
oh my gawd i found LEGGOS in my pocket!!! I found them in the road earlier.
I need more LEGGOS.
*dear Friut Bats, Thank you for contributing to my day:) You too Phoenix!
Holy sh*t I thought I just deleted all my work and I panicked and almost pooped. But then it was saved in drafts. Phew. Excuse me a minute.
***this changed my life http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5B8qMamdt8
There is so much great music in the world. Its a limitless language. The world will never be without music. Its made in everything. Always created.
^note to self: have an "I Adore PandOra" segment.^


I stand in the ashes of old lives. Some of others, most of my own.
Seeing around me the rubble of struggles and fears that no longer pertain to me.
I am new. I am fresh. I am the crisp white pages of a new chapter.
There is a raw atmosphere. Fragile.
I stare at the future, and its like the first long snow in the winter.
No footprints.
No paths.
Just endless possibilities waiting to be engaged.
I start this new life with an eager eye and open heart.
Ready for the discoveries I am ecstatic to discover.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

hot tottie.

My cheeks are cold from a seven block brisk walk. They slowly warm up as i sip the warm soothing citrus tottie.
Its another contemplative day... clouds napping in the sky.
All the bright clothes are fading into grays and soft yellows.
The cities usual rush has simmered into a slight hum as people relax taking in the change of season.
My theme today is blue.
Blue v-neck.
Blue sweater.
Blue hat and scarf.
Blue eyes.
Not to portray any sort of mood but i like the brightness and contrast to the day.
There is a lingering muse in the air. Not pressuring or limited. It just floats around waiting to be called upon.
I think it is most prominent this week.


The air feels like my clothes... soft.. part of my body.
The light is as gentle as the air.
I could sleep in this atmosphere.
Nothing is stirring. Nothing draws near.
Its a slow, calm, perfect dusk.
This is what heaven whispers...
..contentment in a sensual world.


The sun is beaming in through the big windows shedding brilliant light through the room.
Everyone is in their daily zone tending to their thoughts.
As for myself i am at a strange contentment with new light beaming into my own world.
I live in a new world.
A world where i may be able to live the rest of my life.


The breeze dances in across the porch matching the soft fluidity of the music playing to my right.
The warm colors of life bask in the glowing sun, all blending together in its own quiet symphony.
If the rest of my days emulate one such as this, I find contentment in knowing the natural love in the air shall comfort my heart.