Its right here, with the music in front of me.. to my right- a mug full of instant coffee, a Nikon, lighter and pencil.. To my left- an altered water bottle, neon green card, and a bowl with soup remnants.. where I see with sound, I smell with colors, and I write with dreams.
I love the way artists can take any chunk of space and create a universe. Whether its through composing, sculpting, blogging, dancing, painting, film etc. or if its finding any empty area and making it their studio, we will always find a way to create. Discovering new worlds and then finding different ways of living them.
Sometimes I sit being able to do nothing but stare, as I get SO overwhelmed with ideas and dreams, and things I want to and can create that I become paralyzed with inspiration. Even now, as I struggle to type my thoughts. I think this is what some might say being a "Tortured Artist" is about. Having so much to express, to emote, to share with the life around you- and not being able to find the matching outlet.
There has been a lot of happenings in my life this year. Many significant things that I haven't been able to place. Recently, though, I have had the last pieces present themselves to me. And for the first time ever in my life I feel this strong sense of inner peace. I have felt a sort of inner contentment in the past when I've had breakthroughs or learned certain lessons, but this time its so much deeper. The peace beats inside my souls heart along with my physical one.
The last couple of months have happened so quickly and its during that time that I've had all of my eye openers. It all started with the passing of my cousin Josh. Since the very second I heard he had passed away I felt a complete change within myself. I knew immediately I would never be the same, in so many different ways.
I wish I could fully articulate to you, through written word, the amazing things I have learned and seen and felt during this years journey, which I know Josh has had a consistent part in. Last night, so many pictures came together and my whole self.. heart, mind, body, spirit, energy... my entire being opened up and found its true worth in everything I've always known. The difference is I am now allowing myself to see the endless picture of it all and the impact that myself and others have on it.
I sat, last night, in the parking lot of the what use to be nothing but dull apartment complex, and stared off into the energetic abyss of night time absorbing all of this profound realization I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have had.
Out of all the times where I thought I had found purpose, out of all of the silly little lessons learned which have ultimately brought me to this point, I feel and know now that this is officially the beginning of the rest of, what some call life, but what I like to call...
My Adventure.
