I'm sitting at my dining room table. The heater is going. I love it when the heater is on. Its always so cozy and comforting. Like a blanket. The table is a mess, as usual. But i like it. Its used. There are notebooks, papers, artist toys, and candy wrapers. The lighting in my apartment always seems to have a sublte yellow glow to it. It adds to the warm feeling. The stove light is on, which spotlights a ceramic sun that has a wise face. He seems to just chill there watching me make messes as i cook. WHEN i cook.
I actually planned on moving when my lease was up this year. But when the day actually came, i stood in my house... in silence.. and looked around. I couldn't do anything but sigh deeply. I couldn't move yet. My energy had finally settled in and the small apartment with barely any furniture had turned into a cozy home where i lived.... live.
**Jeff is relaxing on my shoulder, and my sister is chatting on the phone accross the table from me. My thoughts are like the streets of New York. Busy but focused. Each thought has a place to go, and its only motivation is getting there. But even with the rushing thoughts and hidden to-do lists... i am content. At ease. Most things are as they should be. And the things that aren't are on there way to being ok. It does make me a little nervous deep down. I'm afraid that now everything is starting to look up, it is going to get ripped away. But some things are inevitable. So no need worrying about it.
I've been artisitcaly ambitious all day. For a few days actually. I wish i had more time to focus on all of my ideas. Hey, no need to rush it right? As long as i can have a creative outlet in some part of the day i should be fine.
I'm excited for this winter/Christmas/birthday. The slow quiet snowy evenings. With sparkling lights. Togetherness. And origional beanies and scarves:o) Its a magic time of year. And this year i am so FULL of a warm spirit i think it might be one of the best Giving Season's of my life.
For now i'll retire to my bed where i will try to calm my ambitious thoughts. Where i will count my billion blessings. Where i will think of friends, family and the love and art i will find in every day i live.
Cozy in my black comforter, with subtle music in the background, premature art projects waiting around me... and the heater on at 75 degrees.... good night neverland<3
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